Bengals sign T.O.

I believe VH1 just nutted all over themselves…..oh nope, that was me.  The Bengals signed T.O. today for 1 year and $2 million dollars, and have officially become the front-runners for “most fun team to play with on Madden 2011.”

Palmer under center, Benson running the ball up the gut, Ocho out wide left, T.O. wide right, and Antonio Bryant catching short passes across the middle and racking up mad YAC. And oh wait, a decent TE for a change in Gresham?

I CAN’T WAIT FOR AUGUST 10th!!!!!

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HOLY S**T

These rings cost at least $100.00.  I’ll set the over/under at 200 bones.

steelers rings

Just look how raised the diamonds are, must be nice.  FYI:  There are 63 diamonds on each ring.

 

I can’t wait til the Super Bowl rings look like Brass Knuckles.

 

It’s our fault for the bad behavior or professional athletes, not theirs.

explosion-finger

You read that right. It’s your fault. It’s my fault. It’s not the athlete’s fault.

In the last few years, it seems like the trouble that professional athletes have caused has exploded exponentially: countless DUI’s, guys getting tazed, shot, in high speed chases, and caught involved in drugs. Can’t forget about Michael Vick. And I even think I heard something about steroids in baseball the other day.

But honestly, what do you expect? These guys are ticking time bombs that we build from the moment we see talent.

From middle school, these guys are patted on the back and told how great they are and of how great they could be. In high school, they begin to get publicized in the school newspaper, hometown paper, and maybe in the big newspapers around the state. Everything they read and are told is supportive, yet adds volatility; another solder joint in the bomb. After reading about how tremendous he is, the athlete begins to believe it. Why wouldn’t he? At 17, when popularity is the only form of self-assessment, it’s easy to accept that you’re super-human.

Then come the awards. And the scholarship offers. Keep packing on the plutonium. Colleges then give out “free jobs.” The jobs that athletes don’t have to show up to, yet still receive paychecks and no one says a word. Agents and scouts, the guys who pick out talent for a living, start sending illegitimate gift packages while the athlete is still in school. Wrap that plutonium in C4.

Now set the charge by adding national media attention and praise as if he’s the second coming of Jordan, Sayers, and Ruth all rolled into one.

All the necessary elements for an incendiary device are accounted for. Now all you have to do is hand them the detonator and wait for the fireworks. Except this time, the detonator is not a little red button. It’s a lot of green Benjamin Franklins, and a fat bank account.

With the kind of money (i.e. perception of power) that a professional athlete is given, an implosion upon himself is near impossible to avoid. It’s a wonder that it doesn’t happen more often.

They can’t help it. That’s the bomb we built them to be.

Big Weekend

 

great sports weekend

great sports weekend

 

  • We got Manny Pacquiao fighting Ricky Hatton in what is being billed as the fight of the year.  However, it is only on PPV ($49.99).  And people wonder why boxing sucks and nobody watches it.  Name another sport that secludes itself from its viewers like this…  I’m picking Hatton in the 8th by knockout.

 

  • Also, in the NHL, Crosby and Ovechkin are going head to head in the playoffs.  I’m not a hockey fan, but if I happen to come across this game on TV I will probably watch a little bit of it.  I think I’m going to say Ovechkin is my favorite hockey player of all time (other than Brent Fuller) and Crosby is a whiny bitch.  There are other NHL games going on, but really, who gives a shit?  Ovechkin and company will win this series.

 

  • The Kentucky Derby.  The most exciting 2 minutes in sports, and a close second, The Kid having sex on his honeymoon.  You gotta love the Derby.  All eyes on Kentucky.  I am going with the Trifecta of Friesan Fire, PioneeroftheNile, and Chocolate Candy.  Winner Winner Chicken Dinner.  Also, just saw that the favorite, I Want Revenge, has been scratched from the race.

 

  • Major League Baseball is in full swing.  We got a full slate of games on, should be fun.

 

  • NBA playoffs have 2 game 7’s this weekend.  Bulls @ Celtics and Heat @ Hawks.  The Bulls/Celtics series has been sick.  I’m not biggest NBA fan, but I do like watching some of the playoffs, especially when the games are like these.  Also, the Mavs and Nuggets get the second round started on Sunday.  I’m picking the Bulls and Hawks to move onto the second round.  

 

  • Also, the EPL (English Premier League) plays this weekend. Manchester United has already played this morning, and they beat Middlesbrough 2-0.  Man U is atop the leaderboard through 34 games in the EPL.

 

  • Tiger is trying to win a golf tournament at Quail Hollow.  He is one shot behind the leaders heading into Saturday.

 

I’m sure there is other shit going on, but I believe I covered the most important.  I’m sure there is NASCAR this weekend, College Baseball, MLS games, and NFL mini-camps.  So basically there is plenty to watch/track on the Internet this weekend while it rains outside.

Hard Knocks

HBO will be following the day-to-day drinking of the Cincinnati Bengals this year.  Mike Brown better hope his players turn into pussies in front of the camera and actually become accountable for their actions.

But there is no arguing that this isn’t a great fit for HBO.  The biggest bunch of thugs, and the biggest prima donna outside of Terrell Owens, will make this season of Hard Knocks extremely exciting to watch.

Mark Sanchez

The Jets are going to blow.  Mark Sanchez was no doubt the best quarterback in this draft (Matt Stafford blows), but there is no way in hell this guy is the savior at QB that everyone in the nation thinks he is.  My first piece of evidence, his first pitch from last night’s game against the Marlins.  Yeah yeah, I understand it’s important not to bounce the ball, but it is also important to throw the ball harder than my Granny Jean.  Throw the ball like a man.

hahahah

Myron Pryor drafted

He is now a New England Patriot. If the Pats like you, you know you are good.