Wow! I feel like going on a long pointless rant right now like Dr. Perry Cox from Scrubs. Yeah, the new Guitar Hero commercial has a cool feel to it; Kobe Bryant, Alex Rodriguez, Michael Phelps, and Tony Hawk going Risky Business (or Saved by the Bell for all you Zack and AC fans) and rocking out to Bob Seger’s “Old Time Rock and Roll.” I love the Tony Hawk selection, but seriously, could the writers not find any athletes with at least SOME personality? Sure, Kobe, A-Rod, and Michael Phelps are dominant in their respective sport…..or swimming, but I honestly think they have to be the most boring group of superstars on the face of the Earth.
A-Rod sits at home texting Pete Rose and analyzing his swing, while manscaping his frosted tips. Kobe Bryant runs around town trying his damndest to be like MJ, but ends up just raping bitches in the meantime. And let’s be real, do you think Kobe has ever heard this song before? If you were to say “Seger” to Kobe, he would punch you in the face for making a racial slur. And Michael Phelps…..seriously? I think I am cooler than this mother fucker. I think he was on the first season of this show. You know this guy just sits at home all day on his Mac, either playing World of Warcraft or subscribing to the gold package on Vagtastic Voyage.
This commercial had the potential to be one of the best on television. I would have partnered up Mr. Hawk with Peyton Manning, LeBron James, and Ryan Howard. At least Peyton and King James know how to be funny. Get your shit together Guitar Hero, before I rock out with Josh Hamilton to Jars of Clay and Third Day in Guitar Praise!!
P.S. It’s not like I want to see his adulterous, big black man wiener flopping around or anything, but why did Kobe wear basketball shorts and everyone else was in their boxers? Seems like he is hogging more balls than the 45 he jacks up during every game.
The Hustle here. I have to defend this commercial from my misguided, mildly retarded friend. Sure, you can get Bron-Bron or Peyton to do this commercial, but why? We’ve already seen them and can imagine them doing a commercial like this. You’re right, these guys have zero personality between them. But that’s what makes them perfect. You would never imagine these guys letting loose enough to make a commercial like this. Mr. Madonna is such a pretentious little bitch that you would never imagine him being able to relax enough to do a commercial where everyone might see how small his junk really is. He was only banging Madonna because next to her bones, his looked average. And Phelps is the definition of dork. He’s now the most well-known athlete in the world and he appeals to the tools who sit at home playing World of Warcraft all day. And Kobe, he has to be so image conscious after raping that girl (she only agreed to the first 8 inches, everything after that was rape), that you couldn’t imagine him being allowed to walk around with half his clothes on. And as far as the shorts go…You can’t fit pure Alabama black snake in those boxers. That’d be a bigger wardrobe malfunction than Janet and Justin.
The only way this commercial gets any better is if you substitute Shaq for Kobe and change the song to “Kobe how’s my ass taste?”
Filed under: Thinking Out Loud | Tagged: A-Rod, Bob Seger, commercial, Guitar Hero, Kobe Bryant, Michael Phelps, The Kid, Tony Hawk | 1 Comment »